


No Matter What You Hear

by PlatinumSky



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen, New Year's Eve, Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 19:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9137428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlatinumSky/pseuds/PlatinumSky
Summary: Garrus holds a New Year's party in his apartment on the Citadel. Things go horribly wrong.NOTE: This is a gift fic based on an inside joke





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kateifer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kateifer/gifts).



> This gift fic is based on a true story of New Year's Eve 2016. My part will be played by Samara.

It was the final hours of December 31st, and Garrus was hosting a party to celebrate the New Year. The countdown was starting, add Garrus had pulled out the champagne. Two corks popped, and alcohol spilled out into everyone's drinks. Dextro-amino champagne for himself and Tali, and levo-amino champagne for Shepard, Wrex, Samara, and Zaeed. Sheppard downed hers so fast, even Wrex was surprised.

"C'mon, is that all you've got?" She said, taunting Garrus.  
"If that's how it's going to be..." Garrus said, breaking out the hard liquor. Over the next hour, Shepard and Garrus were thoroughly intoxicated, as was Tali, who had managed to keep up with them, despite having to drink through her emergency induction port.

Wrex, Samara, and Zaeed were also enjoying themselves, however they were completely unaware of the disaster that was about to unfold. After a half hour of "dancing," the group's drinks were empty. 

"Don't worry." Samara said. "I happen to make an excellent Ryncol."

"Wonderful!" Wrex exclaimed. Shepard slammed her cup down and dared Samara to pour. Garrus and Tali opted out, for fear that the Krogan concoction was too strong. Zaeed was happy with his beer. Shepard's ryncol barely made it into her glass before it was immediately drunk. Samara mixed another for Wrex, who took a sip and recoiled at its strength, putting the glass down on the table next to him.

"Heh heh heh" was all he managed to get out. He reached for his glass again, but Shepard already had it, and was rapidly chugging it. She put the glass down and staggered into the kitchen for more.

"This won't be pretty." Samara said, taking a sip of her own drink. Meanwhile, Garrus and Tali were going shot for shot of whatever they could find in the next room. Shepard had gotten her hands on hard liquor, which she was drinking from the bottle, and joined them.

"That was my ryncol." Wrex said sadly.

Meanwhile, Samara and Wrex were conversing (mostly about how Wrex never got his ryncol), and Zaeed would alternate between listening quietly, and smoking outside (Garrus wouldn't let him smoke in the apartment.) By the time they had moved on to watching videos on the extranet, the trio were going with a nice buzz, and assumed that Shepard, Garrus, as Tali were having just as nice a time in the other room. This was not the case.  
Samara got up out of her seat, to check on the other three. When she poked her head in the door, she saw Garrus and Tali were the only ones awake.

"Is everything alright?" Samara asked. 

"Yeah, just put Shepard to bed." Garrus said. "I think she's had enough."

"Very well." Samara said, before heading back to the main room where Wrex and Zaeed were. Samara, Wrex, and Zaeed were having a fantastic time at this party. As Garrus burst through the door of they main room, it became apparent that the other three were not.

"Shepard's in bad shape you guys!" Garrus said in a panic, pacing around the room. "Tali things she saw her stop breathing for a minute."

"I'm sure she's fine!" Wrex stated matter-of-factly, getting ready to get up to help, when Tali burst through the door in a panic of her own. 

"Garrus! Shepard's throwing up all over your bed!" She yelled before heading back into the room. 

"See?" Wrex said. "She's fine." Garrus turned and headed back into the room. For the next few minutes, Samara, Wrex, and Zaeed continued their party. They sat on the couches and conversed for awhile, having a great time. A great time, that is, until Garrus burst back in to the main room to give an entirely unnecessary status update. 

"Shepard won't stop throwing up!" He said, panicking. "We're going to have to call an ambulance!" He turned and stormed back into his own personal warzone. Samara, Wrex, and Zaeed were stunned.

"Garrus and Tali have been drinking a lot, haven't they?" Samara asked Wrex.

"Yup." Was Wrex's curt reply. 

"They're probably not sober enough to handle this situation." Samara said.

"Probably not." Wrex said. 

"As the relatively sober guests, we should probably be the ones dealing with this." Samara continued.

"Definitely." Wrex grunted.

"And there's not a chance they're going to let us help, is there?"  
"Not a damn chance in hell!" Wrex said laughing out loud. "But if it makes you feel any better, Shepard's probably fine. We'll just let the kids have their dram fun. How much damage could they do?" At that moment, Garrus burst back into the main room, pacing and panicked.

"Alright guys, the ambulance is here." Garrus said, trying to calm down a group of already calm individuals. "No matter what happens, no matter WHAT you hear. Don't. Go. Back. There." Garrus said pointing dramatically at the door to the other room. He marched theatrically back to the warzone.

"Wait, what?" Zaeed said. Samara and Wrex burst out in laughter. A series of loud noises came from the other room as Shepard was loaded onto the gurney.

"Get away from me you perverts!" They heard Shepard yell.

"Shepard, stop hitting them! They're trying to help!" Garrus yelled. Samara, Wrex, and Zaeed sat silently listening, trying not to laugh. They listened as Shepard flailed at the medics trying to help. A C-Sec officer arrived on the scene to assist as well. 

"Fucking pervert!" Shepard yelled, punching the C-Sec officer. After several minutes of Shepard yelling, and Garrus yelling trying to get Shepard to stop yelling, Shepard was finally loaded onto the ambulance. Garrus made the decision to go with her to Huerta Memorial, and jumped on the ambulance with her. An exhausted Tali came back into the main room. 

"Keelah se'lai..." She said pouring herself another drink and flopping onto the couch. 

"I suppose," Samara said, getting off the couch. "A courteous guest should assist in the clean up." She walked into Garrus's room to assess the damage. 

Shepard's vomit covered the bed. And the floor. And the walls. And the adjoining bathroom. All of it. Covered.

"By the Goddess..."


End file.
